Well, like tornado season, or the inevitable time period where Imperial Valley residents can make a local call to hell, election time is upon us. Just as annoying as summer heat, and just like the hot weather, election time will go away in the late fall.
As a service to my loyal readers (both of you, you know who you are), here is Uncle Jer’s Election Year Survival Guide. That last sentence would be a lot more impressive if you imagined a deep, booming voice delivering it. Try it, it’s fun…
- Try this fun tip. Every time the Democrats compare Republicans to Nazis, or Republicans compare Democrats to Communists, put a dime in a jar. You’ll have that new car saved up for in no time.
- Every time a Republican mentions Ronald Reagan, put a quarter in the jar. Every time a Democrat mentions Bill Clinton, put a quarter in the jar. That new house you want is closer than you think.
- I like to think of politician promises a lot like the chocolate I made one year that was stuffed with tuna. Yes, I really did that. You can find the story on my website. Anyway, their promises remind me of that chocolate. It was beautiful on the outside, then when my brother Greg bit into it, it was disgusting, disappointing and pretty infuriating. Yep, that pretty well sums up the promises of politicians.
- I’m honestly not sure which would be worse: four years of Donald Trump’s hair, or four years of Hilary’s voice. Either one is a truly frightening proposition.
- Please don’t vote for anyone simply because they say they are a Christian, or they believe in God. As I’ve stated before, the oath of office for president precludes anyone from running America as a Christian nation. Vote your conscience, pray before you cast your ballot for God to help guide you, but don’t take the politician’s words for it. They are a lot like tuna chocolates…
- If your car has a bumper sticker that says, “Jesus for president in 2016” please remove it. Jesus is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, why would he lower himself to be simply president?
- Do your very best to avoid posting pictures on Facebook that are just going to incite your friends. You are going to have to look these people in the eyes when this election season is over. It will be a lot easier if you don’t post something saying they are atheistic, god-hating, booger-eating morons, or if you don’t act like they are racist homophobes because they simply don’t agree with your viewpoints. Remember: “I disagree with you” is not the same as “I hate you.” To quote the great philosopher Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”
- Have an opinion. Vote. Heck, even put one of those signs up in your yard, just be civil.
- Pastors, please don’t disrespect and cheapen your pulpit and the calling God has given you by preaching politics. Preach Jesus and let him change the hearts of people.
- Finally, remember that God is in control of this whole thing. We may not understand it, we may not agree with what he is doing, but he is in control. Pray for our nation, and let God move on the hearts of people. Reach out to your neighbors in Christ’s love and see what happens in them. America is due for a revival, but no politician is going to bring it. God’s people will usher it in as they remember they are God’s people, not Republicans or Democrats.
Some of you might be pretty mad at me right now. If it’s any consolation, you should see the stuff I left out, that would really send you over the edge.
Trying to change America one person at a time … Jerry