Election Year Survival Guide

Well, like tornado season, or the inevitable time period where Imperial Valley residents can make a local call to hell, election time is upon us. Just as annoying as summer heat, and just like the hot weather, election time will go away in the late fall.
As a service to my loyal readers (both of you, you know who you are), here is Uncle Jer’s Election Year Survival Guide. That last sentence would be a lot more impressive if you imagined a deep, booming voice delivering it. Try it, it’s fun…

  • Try this fun tip. Every time the Democrats compare Republicans to Nazis, or Republicans compare Democrats to Communists, put a dime in a jar. You’ll have that new car saved up for in no time.
  • Every time a Republican mentions Ronald Reagan, put a quarter in the jar. Every time a Democrat mentions Bill Clinton, put a quarter in the jar. That new house you want is closer than you think.
  • I like to think of politician promises a lot like the chocolate I made one year that was stuffed with tuna. Yes, I really did that. You can find the story on my website. Anyway, their promises remind me of that chocolate. It was beautiful on the outside, then when my brother Greg bit into it, it was disgusting, disappointing and pretty infuriating. Yep, that pretty well sums up the promises of politicians.
  • I’m honestly not sure which would be worse: four years of Donald Trump’s hair, or four years of Hilary’s voice. Either one is a truly frightening proposition.
  • Please don’t vote for anyone simply because they say they are a Christian, or they believe in God. As I’ve stated before, the oath of office for president precludes anyone from running America as a Christian nation. Vote your conscience, pray before you cast your ballot for God to help guide you, but don’t take the politician’s words for it. They are a lot like tuna chocolates…
  • If your car has a bumper sticker that says, “Jesus for president in 2016” please remove it. Jesus is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, why would he lower himself to be simply president?
  • Do your very best to avoid posting pictures on Facebook that are just going to incite your friends. You are going to have to look these people in the eyes when this election season is over. It will be a lot easier if you don’t post something saying they are atheistic, god-hating, booger-eating morons, or if you don’t act like they are racist homophobes because they simply don’t agree with your viewpoints. Remember: “I disagree with you” is not the same as “I hate you.” To quote the great philosopher Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”
  • Have an opinion. Vote. Heck, even put one of those signs up in your yard, just be civil.
  • Pastors, please don’t disrespect and cheapen your pulpit and the calling God has given you by preaching politics. Preach Jesus and let him change the hearts of people.
  • Finally, remember that God is in control of this whole thing. We may not understand it, we may not agree with what he is doing, but he is in control. Pray for our nation, and let God move on the hearts of people. Reach out to your neighbors in Christ’s love and see what happens in them. America is due for a revival, but no politician is going to bring it. God’s people will usher it in as they remember they are God’s people, not Republicans or Democrats.

Some of you might be pretty mad at me right now. If it’s any consolation, you should see the stuff I left out, that would really send you over the edge.

Trying to change America one person at a time … Jerry

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HWJDI? How Would Jesus Do It?

I’ve been thinking about some contrasts lately…

In Matthew 8:20 Jesus said, “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head.”

Creflo Dollar, an Atlanta “pastor,” has asked 200,000 people to “sow” $300 or more so his ministry can buy a Gulfstream G650 executive jet. The cost of the plane? A cool 65 million dollars! Wow…

In Luke 19, Jesus comes into Jericho and a short guy named Zaccheus climbed into a tree to get a better look. Zaccheus was a crooked tax collector. The religious leaders were less than happy. “But the people were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled. Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!” Jesus responded, “Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.” Luke 19:7-10

I once had a pastor’s wife tell me, “People who aren’t Christians scare me, you never know what they will do or say…”

The religious leaders of the day tried to trap Jesus by asking him about paying taxes. Jesus’ response in Matthew 22:18-21, “Jesus knew they were up to no good. He said, “Why are you playing these games with me? Why are you trying to trap me? Do you have a coin? Let me see it.” They handed him a silver piece. “This engraving—who does it look like? And whose name is on it?”
21 They said, “Caesar.”
“Then give Caesar what is his, and give God what is his.”

Christians have decided to flex their political muscle with rallies, protest signs and pressure on leaders. There are Christian voting guides to make sure we get a “Christian” country. When Ted Cruz announced his bid to run for President, he did it at a Christian college. You often hear media people talk about the “Christian Right.” The term “Evangelical Christian” no longer means a set of values and beliefs, it is now a political term that is used derisively in some circles.

A few years ago there was a craze of WWJD bracelets. “What Would Jesus Do?” became a watchword to Christians to remind themselves to ask that simple question, and act accordingly.

I want to start a new bracelet for people that will have “HWJDI” printed on it. The acronym stands for “How Would Jesus Do It?”

Can you see Jesus carrying a picket sign? Did Jesus lash out at the political leaders of his day? When Pilate was threatening him with death, Jesus never once questioned Pilate’s right to carry out the proceedings. Tony Campolo once said that when Christians flex their political muscle they become everything that Jesus wasn’t. What happened to reaching out in love, not judgement? What happened to compassion instead of recrimination? I think Christians may have gotten a little power-mad back in the Moral Majority days, and it has not been good for us.

Make no mistake about it, as an American, I have rights and responsibilities. I should vote my conscience. I should contact my Congressman if I am upset about something. I should do all of that as Jerry Godsey, not The Most Holy Reverend Jerry Godsey. My voice should be that of an American citizen, not a citizen of heaven.

I love 2 Corinthians 10:4 that says, “We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments.” God has given me a cruise missile to change this world, why would I use a picket sign?

Trying to do God’s work God’s way… Jerry

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I was supposed to write this column a while ago, but I kept putting it off. You know, I was busy, I had stuff to do. I couldn’t take the time to sit down and clear my head long enough to write a post.

There were a lot of important things that needed to be done. How could I possibly consider doing anything else, like writing a post? The air in my tires needed changing, the muffler bearings on my Mustang needed to be serviced, and the radiator on my wife’s 69 VW Beetle needed to be flushed. Too much stuff to do, too little time.

It’s all a lie. Continue reading

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Christian McNuggets

Hey Boys and Girls, it’s time for “Cooking With Uncle Jer’.”  Our recipes for today all use the same main ingredient: snake!  We have Snake Adobo, Snake Guam Style (Coconut Milk), even Sweet and Sour Snake.

Doesn’t that sound yummy? Continue reading

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The Screen and Ladder Fiasco

I was a third grader and I had forgotten my house key. The only way to get in the house was to climb a ladder and get in through the side window. I forgot to put the screen back on and didn’t think anything about it. I went about the rest of my afternoon doing whatever thrilling stuff I always did.

My mom called after she got off work and said we were going to get something to eat, so we piled in our 65 Chevy Nova and went to McDonalds. As we returned home I remembered that I had left the screen off the window and my mom was going to be angry. So I ran ahead of my family and climbed the ladder to put the screen back on. Here’s where it gets weird… Continue reading

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The Dart Story

            The dart hanging from my scalp bounced against the back of my head as I chased my brother.  There was malice in my heart as I ran through the house as fast as my chubby legs could carry me.  If I caught my brother Greg before he got to our mom he was a dead man.

Let me take you back to a quiet afternoon in the Godsey house.  Somebody had been stupid enough to give my brothers and I a dart board. Continue reading

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From The Archives: AFI Heroes and Villains

My family and I watched the American Film Institute’s “100 Years… Heroes and Villains.”  We enjoyed the show and agreed with a lot of the picks.

The number one villain was Dr. Hannibal Lecter from “The Silence of the Lambs.”  I agree with that.  Anyone who would eat a census taker’s liver definitely qualifies as a villain.  Go ahead and insert your own imitation of the line where Sir Anthony Hopkins (playing Lecter) talks about “favah beans and a nice chianti.”  Creepy. Continue reading

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When the founding fathers met in those back rooms to lay out the government for a new nation so many years ago, I wonder if they had any idea what their new country would become?

I wonder if they knew that their framing of the right to privacy would someday be interpreted to include the killing of unborn children?

I wonder if they knew that the right to bear arms would include Uzis, assault rifles, and Teflon coated “Cop Killer” bullets? Continue reading

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Bees In The Fountain

A few years ago I gave up trying to grow a lawn. The combination of my front yard’s alkali ridden soil and my total lack of gardening expertise hastened the decision. My grandfather had what is known as a green thumb. He could grow roses on a brick. I on the other hand, have a bIack thumb. If killing plants was murder I would be the most prolific serial killer in the world. So I took out all of the grass and replaced it with river rocks and a nice fountain. Now, instead of trying to water and mow every week, I pull weeds three or four times a year.
I really like the fountain. When I wake up in the morning I can hear it gurgling outside my bedroom window. When I come home at night I am greeted with the same sound and it soothes me. I even set it up so it fills itself every day and turns itself on anf off. My kind of garden! Continue reading

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Five years ago I was happily winging my way toward Monterrey Bay in my wife’s car. The stereo was blaring classic rock, I had just finished a Double Double and I had an ice cold Diet Coke in the cupholder. Everything was great.

Then, only 45 miles from my destination the car began to act funny. As I pulled up to a stoplight in Los Banos, the car began to make a crunching noise. Then it wouldn’t go. You don’t have to be a master mechanic to know that these are bad things. Continue reading

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